Rules of Manhood!

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Rules of Manhood!

Postby Silverhaze on Thu Feb 26, 2004 6:59 pm

The Rules of Manhood


Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c) After wrecking your boss' car.
d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e) When she is using her teeth

Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.

Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.

Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.

On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

Only in situations of Moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.

Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.

Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a Mate of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green,orange or sky blue.

The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a Playstation 2.

End of story.

:D

I liked this one so much that I emailed it from work to my hotmail, then used the PC in the server room with internet access (until I can bribe the tech guys to give me access on my PC or think up a legitimate reason for having it, whichever comes first lol) to pick up the email and copy and paste it into here! Phew.

Hope you guys think it was worth the effort.
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Postby release on Thu Feb 26, 2004 10:03 pm

It's all true :lol: :lol: :lol:
Cheers,

Release.
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Postby Cypher_Blade on Thu Feb 26, 2004 10:07 pm

God, can't you dudes do anything better than "Funny" E-mails?

I'll tell you a story. Once there was a man named Queef, who ate too much beef, and died with bad teeth. His ass was sore and raw, but only because a crazy homosexual dude saw his bum and raped him.
This crazy dude died because his mother lied when they said his penis would not detach. It did, and he bled, to death and in bed, he said "That was the best fuck I ever had, duders."

I don't get it either.
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Postby release on Thu Feb 26, 2004 10:11 pm

Cypher_Blade wrote:God, can't you dudes do anything better than "Funny" E-mails?


Apparently not... but they're a damn sight better than the retarded mumbo jumbo you just spewed forth :lol:
Cheers,

Release.
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Postby Silverhaze on Fri Feb 27, 2004 6:27 pm

Haha you took the words right out of my mouth Release!

Now that I have worked out a legitimate reason for having internet access on my work PC you can expect a few more of these from me. I get them constantly all day from loads of people.

Its just a shame the board doesnt have file upload facilities otherwise I'd upload the funny pics I get too!

Shame
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Postby Cypher_Blade on Fri Feb 27, 2004 7:07 pm

release wrote:
Cypher_Blade wrote:God, can't you dudes do anything better than "Funny" E-mails?


Apparently not... but they're a damn sight better than the retarded mumbo jumbo you just spewed forth :lol:


What mumbo jumbo? Are you crazy? asdsfasfdag?
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