Newspaper articles
Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2003 9:36 amSubject: Newspaper Articles
1. From The Gloucester Citizen:
A sex line caller complained to Trading Standards.
After dialling an 0891 number from
an advertisement entitled "Hear Me Moan", the caller was played a
tape of a woman nagging her husband for failing to do jobs around
the house. Consumer Watchdogs in Dorset refused to look into the
complaint, saying, "He got what he deserved."
2. From The Guardian:
After being charged £20 for a £10 overdraft, 30 years old Michael
Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll
to "Yorkshire Bank Plc are Fascist Bastards". The Bank has now
asked him to close his account, and Mr Bastards has asked them to
repay the 69p balance by cheque, made out in his new name.
3. Phreakers, or 'phone hackers,' managed to break into the telephone
system of 'Weight Watchers' in Glasgow, and changed the outgoing
message to 'Hello, you fat bastard'
4. From the Churchdown Parish Magazine:
Would the Congregation please note that the bowl at the
back of the Church, labelled "For The Sick", is for monetary
donations only.
5. From The Guardian:
Concerning a sign seen in a
Police canteen in Christchurch, New Zealand: Will the person who
took a slice of cake from the Commissioner's Office return it
immediately. It is needed as evidence in a poisoning case.
6. From The Times:
A young girl, who was blown out to sea on a set of
inflatable teeth, was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A
coastguard spokesman commented: "This sort of thing is all too
common these days."
7. From The Daily Telegraph in a piece headed
"Brussels Pays E200,000 to Save Prostitutes":
The money will not be going directly into the prostitutes'
pocket, but will be used to encourage them to lead a
better life. We will be training them for new positions in hotels.
8. From The Derby Abbey Community News:
We apologise for the error in the last edition, in which we stated
that 'Mr Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the Police Force'. This was
a typographical error. We meant of course that Mr Nicolme is a
Detective in the Police Farce.
9. From The Manchester Evening News:
Police called to arrest a naked man on the platform at Piccadilly
Station released their suspect after he produced a valid rail
ticket.
10. From some unknown source
An Austrian circus dwarf died recently when he bounced
sideways from a trampoline and was swallowed by a hippopotamus.
Seven thousand people watched as little Franz Dasch popped into the
mouth of Hilda the Hippo and the animal's gag reflex forced it to
swallow. The crowd applauded wildly before other circus people realised what had happened.
1. From The Gloucester Citizen:
A sex line caller complained to Trading Standards.
After dialling an 0891 number from
an advertisement entitled "Hear Me Moan", the caller was played a
tape of a woman nagging her husband for failing to do jobs around
the house. Consumer Watchdogs in Dorset refused to look into the
complaint, saying, "He got what he deserved."
2. From The Guardian:
After being charged £20 for a £10 overdraft, 30 years old Michael
Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll
to "Yorkshire Bank Plc are Fascist Bastards". The Bank has now
asked him to close his account, and Mr Bastards has asked them to
repay the 69p balance by cheque, made out in his new name.
3. Phreakers, or 'phone hackers,' managed to break into the telephone
system of 'Weight Watchers' in Glasgow, and changed the outgoing
message to 'Hello, you fat bastard'
4. From the Churchdown Parish Magazine:
Would the Congregation please note that the bowl at the
back of the Church, labelled "For The Sick", is for monetary
donations only.
5. From The Guardian:
Concerning a sign seen in a
Police canteen in Christchurch, New Zealand: Will the person who
took a slice of cake from the Commissioner's Office return it
immediately. It is needed as evidence in a poisoning case.
6. From The Times:
A young girl, who was blown out to sea on a set of
inflatable teeth, was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A
coastguard spokesman commented: "This sort of thing is all too
common these days."
7. From The Daily Telegraph in a piece headed
"Brussels Pays E200,000 to Save Prostitutes":
The money will not be going directly into the prostitutes'
pocket, but will be used to encourage them to lead a
better life. We will be training them for new positions in hotels.
8. From The Derby Abbey Community News:
We apologise for the error in the last edition, in which we stated
that 'Mr Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the Police Force'. This was
a typographical error. We meant of course that Mr Nicolme is a
Detective in the Police Farce.
9. From The Manchester Evening News:
Police called to arrest a naked man on the platform at Piccadilly
Station released their suspect after he produced a valid rail
ticket.
10. From some unknown source
An Austrian circus dwarf died recently when he bounced
sideways from a trampoline and was swallowed by a hippopotamus.
Seven thousand people watched as little Franz Dasch popped into the
mouth of Hilda the Hippo and the animal's gag reflex forced it to
swallow. The crowd applauded wildly before other circus people realised what had happened.
