The end of Common Sense, An Obituary

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The end of Common Sense, An Obituary

Postby Silverhaze on Fri Jul 07, 2006 11:56 am

A guy called Scorpiouscat wrote this on the 3DGPU forums, I liked it so much I dedided to share it with you guys, giving him full credits of course! ;)



Today we mourn the passing of an old friend, by the name of Common Sense.
Common Sense lived a long life but died in the United States from heart failure on the brink of the new millennium. No one really knows how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes, factories helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness.

For decades, petty rules, silly laws, and frivolous lawsuits held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, and that life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come in second.

A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, The Great Depression, and the
Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends including body piercing, whole language, and "new math." But his health declined when he became infected with the "If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus.

In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of well intentioned but overbearing regulations. He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero-tolerance policies. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition. It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but could not inform the parent when a female student was pregnant or wanted an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment
than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from the Boy Scouts to professional sports. Finally, when a woman, too stupid to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, was awarded a huge settlement, common sense threw in the towel. As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments regarding questionable regulations such as those for low flow toilets, rocking chairs, and stepladders.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers: My Rights, and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

RIP Common Sense
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Postby Smarty Winfred on Mon Aug 07, 2006 3:08 am

any of you guys go golfing? I've been thinking about doing just that... I heard it actually improves your PERSONALITY! Is this true?
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Postby Silverhaze on Mon Aug 07, 2006 10:53 am

I mainly go dogging Im afraid.
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Postby Pdaimaoh on Mon Aug 07, 2006 3:00 pm

dogging?

If golfing improves your personality, I know about 20 people I would be scared shitless by if they were any worse! I guess it's a good thing they golf...
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Postby adidas on Mon Aug 07, 2006 9:18 pm

That was a spam bot. banned + deleted
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Postby Silverhaze on Tue Aug 08, 2006 9:56 am

Pdaimaoh wrote:dogging?

If golfing improves your personality, I know about 20 people I would be scared shitless by if they were any worse! I guess it's a good thing they golf...


Dogging
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Postby Pdaimaoh on Wed Aug 09, 2006 2:28 am

meh, I thought you might've meant walking a dog outside

didn't realize it was closer to meaning you did it doggystyle outside.
how naughty!

well I don't think I could do that, what with my greed, I'd say if I wanted people to watch, I would want them to PAY ME, also. .
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Postby Silverhaze on Wed Aug 09, 2006 9:29 am

Hahaha its this thing thats been going on in England. Theres loads of jokes on the TV and things about it like the show called 'Grumpy Old Women' where these old girls nag on about the youth of today and voilence and sex on TV and things. All done very tounge in cheek.

Anyway, they did a 'ban dogging' campaign and went to little clueless towns in rural England with offical looking 'NO DOGGING' signs and asked the council's permission to put them up in carparks and laybys.

Its sort of middle class swinger type bored with life passtime that these old middle aged couples seem to want to do to inject some excitement back into their lives.

They pull up in a known layby, drop a hanky or something out of the car window as a signal so that dirty old men can stand in bushes nearby and have a wank while they go at it in the car.
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